If only I was smarter.
If only I was more attractive.
If only I was younger, older, healthier, richer, wiser …
If only he would love me. If only she would recognize me.
How many times have we used if only? Did it serve any purpose? Why do we use it in the first place?
Everything we think or do has a reason or a payoff—whether we know it or not. Let’s start with getting to know if only.
What is if only
If represents a condition to the universe. What follows the if is what would make me happy.
Only is the quantifier of the one and only thing that makes a difference in life. It’s the thing that matters the most. Nothing else is good enough.
If only is a conditional quantifier that robs you of_ you_. Below you’ll find how it can negatively affect the quality of your life.
The truth behind if only
Hiding behind excuses
Most of the time using something like if only is the reason we stop pursuing what we desire. It’s a way of saying, I can’t get this so I give up.
If only that romantic partner would show up and make up for all the misery. We feel stuck; there is nothing we can do right now.
Focusing on what’s missing
If only means that I’m not okay where I am and I need what follows to be happy and contented.
The need is something that’s lacking—something that would complete my life.
Rejecting what is
When we focus on what’s missing, we automatically ignore what is and all the good in our lives.
If you wish you were younger, you’re thinking about the past and if you wish you were older and wiser you’re looking at the future.
If only is about the future and what it can bring. Also, it’s about the past and what could’ve been. It’s never about what’s here now.
Blocking what can be
Fixating on what’s missing from our life creates a tunnel vision, which hinders our ability to be open to new possibilities that might come our way.
If only robs this moment of its goodness. If only is the black hole at the core of your ego that sucks the light from your life.
The difference between if only and true desires
True desires are possibilities within that are unexplored. They are the gentle whispers of your heart and the excitement that tugs on your soul. True desires and aspirations don’t hide behind if only. On the contrary, they emerge in spite of any if only.
If only is the limitation that stops you in your tracks. It is the assassin of your dreams.
We all know that we create more of what we focus on. If only is the magnifying glass of uncreative dissatisfaction. True desires are the spark of the creative genius within you.
Your dreams and desires elevate and empower. If only steels away your power and faith in your abilities.
If only is the sword of resistance. It stops you from stepping out of your comfort zone. It prevents you from living your higher purpose—to be all you can be as you are right now.
When you ask from the depth of your heart, you will find all the power and ability you need to move forward towards your desires. But when you hide behind the ego driven if only, you’re giving yourself a fake reason to stay put and feel inadequate.
If only has no purpose in your life other than to deprive you of your birthright—to be happy and contented right here and now.
Letting go of if only
When you catch yourself thinking or saying if only, stop. Ask yourself what’s the purpose of this if only. Does it help you in this moment or not? Most likely it won’t so throw it out.
Also, become aware of if only in disguise—any condition or quantifier relating to your life or others that makes you feel miserable and powerless.
A simple shift in focus and thinking is all you need.
Use your imagination to send if only into outer space (or any place) where it is transmuted and can no longer affect you or anyone else. Choose instead to focus on what you have right now and what you want to achieve in your life.
If only shrinks you to the point where you can’t recognize your own truth and power—your intrinsic value and limitless potential. Remove this destructive notion from your mind so it won’t break your heart.
You are more than enough and no “if only” can take that away from you.